oooh, can't give you my hat but I'd be willing to lend it to yer... for a price$$$

...two shiney coins and a packet of Hula Hoops and you can have it from Monday-Saturday, you can't have it on Sunday coz it's me church wearing hat!


Nuff said, "word to your mother!" & "god bless y'all!"

Mmmmmmmmm - rrrreally nice.

HI! I'm Ed Winchester!

Hello. I'm dead. You may remember me as being alive in such shows as Knight Rider and Knight Rider. David, you're a fool. But a fool with lovely hair. Simply lovely.

R.I.P.

TIT	hahaha!! That bar sure looks cool, kids! Why don't we all sing one of my songs before heading over to Cynthia's bar? That'd be grrrreat, wouldn't it? I'm so great. Kiss my feet.

I can't believe it. I promised myself that I wouldn't watch "celeb" big bro. But then I saw Goldie and thought - I'd watch him. He's funny.
Then came Anne Diamond and I so nearly turned the tv off... instead opting for making a cuppa tea. Upon my return - Melinda Messinger! Yay!....

It went downhill from there. But you can see they've sorted the "celebs" into distinct groups; the parental types (Les & Anne - Anne, who desperately wants Goldie.), the family types (Goldie & Mel) and the .... uh ... other types (Mark & Mel. Or is it Sue? I don't really care. I mean - come on. They went from a shitty tv show to a shitter tv to shitty bread adverts. Not that the bread was shitty, but the ad was shitty. Or maybe the bread was shitty - I've never checked the ingredients, have you? Exactly.)

But that's it. I'm not gonna watch it again. Admittedly that now means that I won't understand any jokes on Graham Norton for the next couple of weeks, so that's out the window too (yay!). I also won't understand any jokes MGK (aka CaravanShaker... go figure...) puts on here either. So I'll just have to delete them.
Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

Can't believe I suggested meeting Ana for lunch... I've gotta go travel for an hour either way (ish), so that's the majority of my productive day out the window. Darn. Guess I'll just have to play GTA2 some more. And watch vids n dvds some more. And those kickass Ranma 1/2 vcds Chilli got me last year when I started learning Japanese. I'm even worse now than I was then. How shit is that? (and how scary is that picture of Chilli?! The stereotypical beardy techy!! Wheee!!! I never thought it'd happen to you, matey! heheh...)

on to another subject - KnightRider on the PS2!! Yeahhhh!! How cool is that?! Dave with his big afro in 3D cgi vision!! Yess! He'd be proud.

hahaha! Thanks guys. You've preserved my hair for all eternity. I shall now sing you a song..... in my red shorts....

Well well well... I just so happened to wonder into a local GAME store and guess what was playing? Only the new Knight Rider game, it looks great!!! There's a CGI David Hasselhoff (complete with afro!). Go Knight Rider!!!


Hang on a mo...

Knight Rider - Nintendo Entertainment System


  


  

What a beuty! Wanna play it? Click [here] to download the game (plus a NES emulator!).


...its complete pants really!

woweeee!!! Knight Rider - The Game on PS2! The shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a man who doesn't exist! And then some!
Yay! (and some more piccies)

Looks like fun.

Oh - and Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball on the Xbox (shame) - the Dead or Alive laydeees with very very little on indeed. and bouncing boobies.
Yay!

This post was brought to you by games other than GTA Vice City. Which I don't have. (GTA for the PC petition)

"Ice Ice Baby"






Yo, VIP, Let's kick it!



Ice Ice Baby, Ice Ice Baby

All right stop, Collaborate and listen

Ice is back with my brand new invention

Something grabs a hold of me tightly

Then I flow like a harpoon daily and nightly

Will it ever stop? Yo -- I don't know

Turn off the lights and I'll glow

To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal

Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle.



Dance, Bum rush the speaker that booms

I'm killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom

Deadly, when I play a dope melody

Anything less than the best is a felony

Love it or leave it, You better gain way

You better hit bull's eye, The kid don't play

If there was a problem, Yo, I'll solve it

Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it



Ice Ice Baby Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby Vanilla

Ice Ice Baby Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby Vanilla



Now that the party is jumping

With the bass kicked in, the Vegas are pumpin'

Quick to the point, to the point no faking

I'm cooking MCs like a pound of bacon

Burning them if they're not quick and nimble

I go crazy when I hear a cymbal

And a hi hat with a souped up tempo

I'm on a roll and it's time to go solo

Rollin' in my 5.0

With my ragtop down so my hair can blow

The girlies on standby, Waving just to say Hi

Did you stop? No -- I just drove by

Kept on pursuing to the next stop

I busted a left and I'm heading to the next block

That block was dead



Yo -- so I continued to A1A Beachfront Ave.

Girls were hot wearing less than bikinis

Rockman lovers driving Lamborghinis

Jealous 'cause I'm out geting mine

Shay with a gauge and Vanilla with a nine

Reading for the chumps on the wall

The chumps acting ill because they're so full of "Eight Ball"

Gunshots ranged out like a bell

I grabbed my nine -- All I heard were shells

Falling on the concrete real fast

Jumped in my car, slammed on the gas

Bumper to bumper the avenue's packed

I'm trying to get away before the jackers jack

Police on the scene, You know what I mean

They passed me up, confronted all the dope fiends

If there was a problem, You, I'll solve it

Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it



Ice Ice Baby Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby Vanilla

Ice Ice Baby Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby Vanilla



Take heed, 'cause I'm a lyrical poet

Miami's on the scene just in case you didn't know it

My town, that created all the bass sound

Enough to shake and kick holes in the ground

'Cause my style's like a chemical spill

Feasible rhymes that you can vision and feel

Conducted and formed, This is a hell of a concept

We make it hype and you want to step with this

Shay plays on the fade, slice like a ninja

Cut like a razor blade so fast, Other DJs say, "damn"

If my rhyme was a drug, I'd sell it by the gram

Keep my composure when it's time to get loose

Magnetized by the mic while I kick my juice

If there was a problem, Yo -- I'll solve it!

Check out the hook while Deshay revolves it.



Ice Ice Baby Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby Vanilla

Ice Ice Baby Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby Vanilla



Yo man -- Let's get out of here! Word to your mother!



Ice Ice Baby Too cold, Ice Ice Baby Too cold Too cold

Ice Ice Baby Too cold Too cold, Ice Ice Baby Too cold Too cold

Damn. There is a Late Night poker website already.. damn damn damn..
Presentable : Television : Late Night Poker on Channel 4 -

Have no idea why Skuff didn't post this here first;
Tits!

but here's a little sumthin sumthin - type some stuff here (your name or "sweaty bettys" would be a good start) and click "go"... :o)



nyuk nyuk nyuk...

Crap. I'm seriously getting desperate. Or lazy. Both, probably. Not quite sure what the ratio is though.

I've been out of work since May (intentionally!), and now there's a 3/4 week contract that's not very well paid (at all) but is quite near where I live. It's very very very mundane data entry / HTML coding. And they only want enthusiastic people for the role. Yeah, right.

But I'm still requesting to be put forward for an interview on friday. Sheeat. The market is a very very quiet one for us web coders. Come the new yeah I'll be looking for work like a crazy fool before I really get seriously desperate.
But I'm certain the only way out of this collapsing market is to create your own work - i.e. get funding for www.icdrp.com, the project me n Gheez have been working on for AGES.
Plus I'd love to get paid to do jollyboyz. And do the Latenight Poker website... that'd rock.

ps - if you've been getting seriously pissed off with all these emails recently about "information for ***" or "grants for ***" or "cash for ***", then head over to www.chainsawjoe.com for some payback tips...

Several wonderful things - the camera [fixed], my funky necklace from Mehiko [fixed], the teapot [fixed] and a new gallery [new].

Thanks mainly to superglue, and in part to my having created a new photo gallery..

Go see! nothing interesting AT ALLLL!!! But quite FUNNY! MAYBE.

BITCH!

That's my WIFE'S car!! BITCH!!

thanks to the wonder of superglue, miniture screwdrivers, and the spring from inside of a disposable lighter - my camera works once more!!!!!! yeeeaaaahhhh!!!!

a bit stiff, cos the spring's a bit too strong/long, but screw it - it works!! woweeee!! I'M AMAZING!!!

Elvis bless that which is superglue.

Glue of extreme superness.

I'm super. Thanks for asking.

Whooohhooooo!!! Two additions to the Jollyboyz - FINALLY - Skuff and Chilli (aka Josh - our only overseas Jollyboy! Busy being American over there in Aymericar! heheh.. ); good to catch up with em again. Although oddly enough, neither knows the other.. hmm.... weird...



Give em a big ol Jollyboyz welcome! (and I don't mean steal their shoes.)

That wee devil inside game - not bad. FJ - remember you sent me a copy last year? very nice, ta!

I have decided, that since it doesn't exist, I shall start the unofficial Latenight Poker website! A jollyboyz.com production! Imagine - I could be asked to go there and interview the looosers! I could be sitting there and have Jesse say "there's that white chip going around the table - why don't you tell us what that's for, Joe?", after I've beaten Barney "I'm not good enough this year, neither are any of The Hendon Mob, with their woeful website" Boatman to a pulp with his pair of nines...


Wow.

It's gonna be ace.

Just you feckin wait.





keep waiting.

The Devil Inside





Man, is this a great game or what! I bought it in a pound shop a year ago but never really played it 'til now. It's sooo darn scary, just imagine the Running Man (never knew Stephen King wrote the novel for that) crossed with Resident Evil, a game show where you're sent into a haunted house to kill zombies, ghosts, demons and shit like that!!! It's really cool the way you're constantly followed by a camera man with the occasional advert here & there.


Click [here] to visit a download site to play the demo. Ned, you would love this!


Byyyyyyyeeeeeeeeee!!!

I'm too upset over the coma status of my camera to put anything really interesting here, so I'll just throw up a few links that I've been reading for the entire morning instead;

http://www.t-shirtsthatsuck.com/ - these are the greatest t-shirts ever!

http://www.thespark.com/ - especially The Fat Project, Stinkyfeet and The Date My Sister Project - excellent!

go n visit them aaalllll.

That is all.

o.k Joe, that'll do!

Firstly, there was the beer. And then came the whiskey. Sometime after that came the chinese takeout...
But before those choice events, things are very very very..... blurred....

I do remember trashing my luverly luverly luverly new luverly digital camera on the floor of Giles Tavern (not so gay anymore, that place. might be a bit dodgy, but likable nonetheless. Plus Buds are 3 for 2... ).. And before I finish this wonderful story of bravery and drink, I'm gonna go and purchase some ikkle screwdrivers... try n fix the thing...

THAT'S why it's been quiet. That's why yer damn captions didn't appear?! OK?!

Out very very soon - 11/11/2002




... need I say anymore!

p.s; Where is everyone?

"I have to push the pram-a-loooooot.." heheheh...

Okay. Alrighty then. I'm heading back East tomorrow, earlyish, to 1) sort out all the sheeat that's left in what is now my bro's house and 2) annoy the sheeat out of Ned before 3) MGK's bday pissup alllll monday! Yay!!

We've set aside muchos change, and we're fully prepared to lose it in the slut slot machines throughout the day... wheeee.. it's gonna be a greeeeat one! There should be piccies, and I should put them up here. I hope Ned n Snake took piccies from tonight and last night - they went to two fancy dress parties dressed as Jay and Silent Bob!! excellent!! Apparantly, they looked the shit. As opposed to "shit".. I hope..

Anyhoo - the Alexandra Palace Fireworks were shit, cos the low cloud completed engulf the place and all we could do was smell the sulphur and hear the bangs.... hmmm... bummer...

So we hurried home, cracked open a few cans of whoop-beer and a bottle or two of whoop-wine... or something... yay MKII...

Now (once again) totally addicted to Rogue Leader, since I managed to complete a level G was stuck on for days, playing solid all day... (tip - don't shoot the guns on the platform, but the gas canisters holdin up the platform - BOOM results... geeeenius!)

Late Night Poker - can't believe it. Devilfish out so early with The Boatman... bummer... The winner shouldn't've got it. Then again, Yin Ki Lin was a surprise winner last week.. all getting interesting now!

Right - back to the booze. Tataaaaa!!

Ps - if you're gonna be in ipswich over the next few days, check the galleries, find out what I (Chainsaw Joe) look like, and come find us in town; on monday we'll be doing a bit of a crawl starting in the Old Rep at 3ish, and moving around Giles Tavern, Hogshead, Mannings, Cock n Pye maybe n a load of others. Ending up in Kartouche - buy me a drink!

Bye!!

how about this for the caption thingme...

I'm not happy. Not happy at all. I had a killer entry for the Caption Comp. It was the first and the best BY FAR - but who gets the (non-)prize?! Me?! I don't think so.
It's that bloody Volaré Dez again, with his "ooooh - look at me with my hat and shoes... look at me with my shirt and tie... look at me with my LAME CAPTIONS" - that's who.

That's it. I'm going into the database to change the winner. I may be some time.
If I'm not back in five, wait ten.



Bastard....